If you are sensitive to vulgarity or watching another human suffer under a profane verbal beat down, then you will not want to visit this link!

Say what you will about Joe Buck’s ability as a broadcaster, some like him some don’t. One thing that is not in question is how much of a pompous ass he is. Seeing him have no clue how to handle Artie Lang, reverting to middle school insults, and actually whimpering while he begged Artie not to light a cigarette (after he just told Artie he didn’t care if he lit a smoke), was so heart-warming to me.

The people at HBO either contrived this disaster of a first show for Buck because they secretly hate him (which is believable) or they are simply incompetent (also very believable). Why would you expose Joe Buck to Artie Lang?! Artie is a professional, and a guy that knows his racket. Artie’s racket is to be f’ing hilarious and get noticed, mission accomplished! One could say that Artie came to the set ready to sabotage the show from the beginning, but even if he did 1. So what?!, and 2. Joe Buck’s opening with Paul Rudd was the suckiest TV I have ever seen. Literally. Even if Artie didn’t have plans to humiliate Buck before the show began, Buck gave him every reason and opportunity to teabag his polished forehead.

The 2009 NBA Finals are exhibiting the essence of basketball which is about matchups, which are about individuals. However, it is the combination of those individuals and how the work in unison that ultimately determines who is the best team.

With that in mind, the following individuals are the ones that have left a mark on my psyche through the first two games.

Dwight Howard
Everyone, myself included, questioned why Howard wasn’t given more of the spotlight. His performance so far in the Finals has been less than impressive. True he is getting his rebounds, and true he had a much better second game. However, last night when he received the ball in the post with his back to the basket in the 3rd and 4th quarters he either had the ball stripped, threw a bad pass, or forced a shot. I am very unimpressed and disappointed with Howard so far.

Jameer Nelson
People get excited when a very good player returns from injury. Why wouldn’t they? A player that was instrumental to the Magic’s success this year was gonna be back in uniform, a cause for celebration, no? No! The flow that the Magic developed over the course of these playoffs was a fine balance of movement, anticipation, and comfort in their surroundings. To introduce a new element into the middle of that is to play scientist and hope that the chemicals don’t blow up. I am not pinning the first two losses on Nelson, not at all. I think that getting Nelson acclimated to full speed is a great idea, and if Orlando would have won last night (which they should have) they would be sitting pretty headed home.

Rafer Alston
Alston is a by-product of Nelson. Alston seems to be the one most affected by Nelson’s return to the lineup.

Derek Fisher
It seems that when Fisher touches the ball late in a game good things are going to happen for his team.

Pau Gasol
The White Willie McGee. Dude is f’n ugly.

JJ Redick
Hit a big shot, missed a big shot, and had a turnover on a good pass that just took him too long to make. Redick got plenty of playing time and did ok, but had missed a chance to raise his own stock.

Hedo Turkoglu
A close runner-up to the ugliest dude on the court. Turkoglu’s value to this Magic team can not be understated. I would have liked to have seen that pass to Courtney Lee be slightly better, but it certainly wasn’t a bad pass.

Stan Van Gundy
I am a big fan of both Van Gundy’s and Stan is showing that he is a better coach than Phil Jackson. I don’t know if there is a stat on points scored off of inbound plays, but I am willing to bet that Van Gundy’s teams are at the top.

The list does not have Kobe Bryant because Kobe has not left a mark on my psyche. He is doing what he does. I will say that Kobe I don’t expect Kobe to have his shots blocked when shooting for the win . . . The Magic covered the 6.5 points last night and came within a layup of winning when they were +260 . . . The Magic are -4 in Game 3 and -200, while the Lakers are +165 . . . The Dean likes the Magic to cover in Game 3.